The Grump Next Door

Chapter 1

The Returned Basket

Nobody had ever returned one of Sunny Okeke's welcome baskets before. In six years on Maple Row she had welcomed eleven new households, two sets of newlyweds, and one extremely confused man who had only been visiting, and not one of them had handed the basket back. The man at number nineteen handed the basket back. He did it on a Tuesday evening, two days after she'd left it on his step — the good wicker one, lined with the gingham cloth, packed with her cinnamon-swirl loaf still warm, a jar of the peach preserve, a hand-tied bunch of rosemary from her own garden, and a card that said WELCOME TO MAPLE ROW! in her best loopy pen with a sunflower drawn in the corner. She had watched, over six years, that exact basket make eleven strangers cry a little. It was a good basket. It was a *proven* basket. He rang her doorbell holding it like it was evidence in a trial. "You left this," he said. Sunny looked at the basket. She looked at the man. He was tall and dark-browed and dressed entirely in the colours of a man who had decided joy was a security risk — charcoal, slate, the grey of a sky that wasn't going to do anything fun. He was, she calculated, somewhere in his late thirties, and he was holding her proven basket at arm's length as though it might go off. "I did leave that," Sunny agreed warmly. "Welcome to Maple Row! I'm Sunny, I'm at twenty-one, the one with the —" "There's a note inside." He said it over her, not rudely exactly, but with the efficiency of a man who scheduled his sentences. "I've put a note inside. I'd appreciate it if you read it." And then he set the basket down on her step, and turned, and walked back to number nineteen, and shut his door — not a slam, she'd give him that, a controlled and complete and very final shut — and Sunny Okeke stood on her own porch in the warm Tuesday evening, holding her own returned basket, in a state of pure astonishment. She brought it inside. The cinnamon loaf was gone, she noted — eaten, or binned, impossible to say — but the preserve was untouched, the rosemary untouched, and tucked under the gingham cloth there was a folded piece of paper. It was typed. He had *typed* it. *Ms. Okeke,* it began, and Sunny already loved and hated it. *Thank you for the basket. I am returning it because I prefer not to begin a neighbourly relationship in a state of obligation, and a gift creates obligation. In the interest of full honesty, which I think saves everyone time: I noted that the loaf was unwrapped and undated; the preserve jar lacked a sealed safety button, suggesting home-canning, which carries a non-trivial botulism risk if processing times are not strictly observed; and the card did not specify any allergen information. I did not eat the preserve for these reasons. I am sure your intentions were kind. I would simply ask that you not feel any need to repeat the gesture. I keep to myself and I find that works best for everyone. Regards, E. Vance, No. 19.* Sunny read it three times. The first time, she was offended, in a clean bright uncomplicated way. *Botulism risk.* He had identified her grandmother's peach preserve, the recipe, the *family recipe*, as a botulism risk, in writing, in a typed note. The second time, she noticed the sentence *I prefer not to begin a neighbourly relationship in a state of obligation*, and something in her — the part of her that baked for people whether they wanted it or not, the part that had welcomed eleven households and one confused visitor — went very still and very interested. Because that was not the sentence of a man who hated kindness. That was the sentence of a man who was *afraid* of it. Those were different countries entirely, and Sunny had a passport for one of them. The third time she read it, she was already, quietly, devising a campaign. E. Vance of number nineteen wanted to be left alone. He had typed it. He had returned a proven basket and listed its hygiene violations and asked her, in full honesty, to not repeat the gesture, to never feel a need, to let him keep to himself because it worked best for everyone. Sunny folded the note back up and set it on her kitchen counter, where she would see it every morning, and looked out her window at the dark shut face of number nineteen. "E. Vance," she said, to the window, with the bright dangerous cheer of a woman who had found her project for the season, "I am going to be the best thing that ever happened to you, and you are going to be so annoyed about it." Then she got out her grandmother's recipe book, and turned to the peach preserve, and — because she was sunny, not stupid, and because a tiny infuriating part of her wanted to be sure — read the processing times very, very carefully. They were correct. They had always been correct. But she read them anyway, and she would never tell him that, and that, although neither of them knew it yet, was the first small brick in something that was going to take the whole season to build.

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